(1299 quotes found)
“ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
So wide his erudition's mighty span, He knew Creation's origin and plan And only came by accident to grief -- He thought, poor man, 'twas right to be a thief. --Romach Pute”
“CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
A busy man complained one day:
"I get no time!" "What's that you say?" Cried out his friend, a lazy quiz;
"You have, sir, all the time there is. There's plenty, too, and don't you doubt it -- We're never for an hour without it." --Purzil Crofe”
“HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old-fashioned sea-captains. It is also used in the construction of the upper decks of steamboats, but generally speaking, the hurricane's usefulness has outlasted it.”
“GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportion to the quantity of matter they contain --the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.”