Henry "Henny" Youngman was a British-born American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners," short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. His best known one-liner was "Take my wife—please".
More on Wikipedia…
(55 quotes found)
“If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.”
“Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"”
“Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.”
“The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.”
“I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.”
“How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'”
“Ştii ce înseamnă să vii acasă seara la o femeie care să îţi ofere dragoste, afecţiune şi un pic de tandreţe? Înseamnă că ai greşit casa.”
“A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"”
“Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner...."”
“A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single…."”
Quotes Daddy offers a number of tools for developers and bloggers to integrate quotes into their site including customizable widgets, embeddable quotes and API.
Over 1,000,000 famous quotes and user quotes that you can save to your favorites, share with friends and add to your site, blog or social network.Find us on Google Ad Planner