John William “Johnny” Carson was an American television host best known for his iconic status as host of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson for thirty years.
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(34 quotes found)
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
“If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.”
Contributed by: Andy James
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
“For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.”
“Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.”
“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
“People will pay more to be entertained than educated.”
“If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam”
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