(149 quotes found)
“The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing”
Kin Hubbard
“Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.”
“When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money”
“Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.”
“Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it”
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
“There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them”
“Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.”
“The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
“Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.”