(157 quotes found)
“The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.”
Stephen Wright
“My friend invented Cliff's Notes. When I asked him how he got such a great idea, he said, "Well, first I... I just... well, to make a long story short..."”
“When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.”
“I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Rennaisance.”
“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”
“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.”
“I like to reminisce with people I don't know.”
“"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes”
“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.”
“Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
