“If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go”
“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places”
“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”
“It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake”
“A chemist on each side will approach the frontier with a bottle”
“I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.”
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”
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