“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”
Mark Twain
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".'”
Mitch Hedberg
“My son, why take antibiotics and analgesic for your sports injury; instead drink milk and you will get traces of antibiotics, analgesic and antidepressants from milk itself and occasionally you may get energy as a bonus”
Dr Hitesh C Sheth
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey
“We live in the 21st century, the wisest generation yet to come, where you have the freedom to say anything you want, sue anyone and for anything, and wear a trash bag in style.”
Aleksandr Sebryakov
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'”
Tommy Cooper
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
Drew Carey
