“One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.”
Larry Gelbart
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.”
Albert Einstein
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Oscar Wilde
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm.”
