“Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.”
Mitch Hedberg
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams
“Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I may have forgotten this before.”
Stephen Wright
“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
Erma Bombeck
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework”
Bill Cosby
“The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy.”
Oscar Wilde
“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
