“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”
Mitch Hedberg
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams
“Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I may have forgotten this before.”
Stephen Wright
“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
Erma Bombeck
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework”
Bill Cosby
“The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy.”
Oscar Wilde
“I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.”
