“Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck.”
Mitch Hedberg
“Kathleen Kelly: Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one. It got on at 42nd, and off at 59th, where, I assume it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake - as almost all hats are.”
You've got mail
“The city isn't obligated to permit an event on a public street that encourages the vandalism of subway cars in the name of selling T-shirts and video games.”
Ed Skyler
“Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants.”
David Letterman
“I practically fell off my seat on the subway this morning. I could not believe it.”
Iain Levine
“Take the bus or the subway if you are in a big city, ... Don't use the shower so long. Don't use the dishwasher unless it's full.”
Stephane Dion
“If you can ride the subway for $2 and go everywhere, then I guess 25 cents to go to the bathroom isn't too bad.”
Scott Reeves
