“'I was going to start off tonight by telling some self-deprecating jokes, but then I couldn't think of any mistakes I've made to be self-deprecating about.' –President Bush, at the White House Correspondents' dinner, poking fun at his performance in a recent news conference, in which he drew a blank when asked about mistakes he had made”
George W. Bush
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
Bob Hope
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
Tre Cool
“A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.”
Mark Twain
“God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage”
