“I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.”
Jack Handy
“Well, I finally received an award from The Writer’s Guild. 'To author Bob Miller, whose work reads like a morgue report on Wikipedia.'”
Bobby W. Miller
“I’ve often wondered, since I was the moron that Billy Hicks and George Carlin were talking about, why I laughed?”
“Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year”
Victor Borge
“If you think you know everything about baseball, your dead wrong!”
Julian "JUNEBUG" Bussells
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.”
Josh Billings
“I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”
Hippolyte Taine
