“Scientist announced a device that can be placed in a pacemaker and will call your doctor whenever you are having heart trouble. When told about it, Dick Cheney said, "I can't afford those kind of phone bills."”
Conan O'Brien
“When it detects a chaotic heartbeat, the ICD gives her a shock. It also acts as a pacemaker.”
Larry Lustig
“I must admit just her presence here this morning gave my pacemaker a vigorous jump-start.”
Johnny Grant
“Cash incentives for increasing volume is absolutely a bad idea. Do you want the pacemaker made by the guy who made it the fastest or the one who made it the best?”
John Malloy
“Two months ago he got a new pacemaker. After he got it, he joked that this was the best he ever felt.”
Karl Turner
“Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt. Thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead.”
Roger Bannister
“For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?”
Jack Handy
