“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
Woody Allen
“A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and shit like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause 3 times as many accidents.”
Richard Schanberger
“I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”
Lewis Grizzard
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
Mark Twain
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
“He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend - provided, of course, that he really is dead.”
Voltaire
“Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
