“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
Woody Allen
“If I were to see the future and notice that I were alive at age of ninety, I would, at sixty, end it all before the possibility of adult diapers.”
Justin Murtey
“You're just as witty as you feel, just as witty as you feel inside.”
Rain Bojangles
“I will surely live to be 150. I am so slow in carrying out God's plan for me that it will take at least that long.”
E.R. Rock
“God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage”
Mark Twain
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey
