“Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.”
Tommy Cooper
“Now kids, if we all could have sex without condoms and getting pregnant. It would halt the progress of human race and bring so much more pleasure into life. That why you all so stupid and have children. Use condoms for feck sake.”
J C A Rowe
“ Watching a Terebyte of movies in one month is an accomplishment in any country.... accept for Afghanistan”
Nathan Elmo Melo
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
Winston Churchill
“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Ernest Hemingway
“May you - Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching, screw like it's being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman”
Anonymous Toast
