“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck
“ Watching a Terebyte of movies in one month is an accomplishment in any country.... accept for Afghanistan”
Nathan Elmo Melo
“Weigh your words carefully. They may tip the balance."”
Rain Bojangles
“I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die. And they said, you can have this product for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like to see a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which one it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch: the mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamps will be in the wrong denomination...Good luck f*cker! The last payment must be made in wompum!”
Mitch Hedberg
“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
A. Whitney Brown
“A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.”
Elton Trueblood
“The thorn from the bush one has planted, nourished and pruned pricks more deeply and draws more blood.”
Maya Angelou
