“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”
Erma Bombeck
“Phrases and their actual meanings: "My teacher has never liked me." Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.”
“Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.”
“I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Time is 18 years.''”
“When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”
“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
“Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.”
Martin Mull
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