“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“If I were to see the future and notice that I were alive at age of ninety, I would, at sixty, end it all before the possibility of adult diapers.”
Justin Murtey
“You're just as witty as you feel, just as witty as you feel inside.”
Rain Bojangles
“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
Winston Churchill
“What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?”
Jack Handy
“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.”
Mark Twain
“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.”
