“There are so many things to learn and it's not just a source of amusement, but it is sometimes hilarious. Not too long ago they brought in this woman who was about 70 and she was naked as a jaybird out directing traffic on I-65.”
Bill Robinson
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
Tommy Cooper
“Acknowledge that you learn just as much, if not more, from your failures as you do from your successes.”
Jeffrey Benjamin
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
Tre Cool
“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm.”
George Carlin
“We live in the 21st century, the wisest generation yet to come, where you have the freedom to say anything you want, sue anyone and for anything, and wear a trash bag in style.”
Aleksandr Sebryakov
“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
Janeane Garofalo
