“I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
Billy Connolly
“Friend: You quite an oddball, where you from? Mars? Haha. James: I am actually, I assume you're from Venus?”
J C A Rowe
“"If the Count from Sesame Street where to count my body parts, it would take his at least 6 seconds to count my stomach”
Nathan Elmo Melo
“"People ask me what I’m going to do when i get out of the Army, I always tell them, "I’m not sure but I could always go and be an Abercrombie model".”
“[At first, I just randomly turned the pages. Page 95, Volume 1, Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree.] Do you think there is a God? ... Well, somebody's out to get me.”
Calvin & Hobbes
“God help you if you are an ugly girl, 'course too pretty is also your doom, 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.”
Ani Difranco
“Cannibalistic Chicken Whistles”
dennis haldeman III
