(471 quotes found)
“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.”
Erma Bombeck
“I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”
Rita Rudner
“There is still no cure for the common birthday.”
John Glenn
“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.”
George Harrison
“Most of us can remember a time when a birthday - especially if it was one's own - brightened the world as if a second sun has risen.”
Robert Lynd
“With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.”
Seneca
“Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.”
Stephen Wright
“They gave it me . . . for an un-birthday present.”
Lewis Carroll
“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”
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