(51 quotes found)
“Cop didn't see it, I didn't do it!”
George Carlin
“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.”
“I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a part of hell will break loose - it'll be much harder to detect”
“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.”
“Religion is just mind control”
“If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else”
“Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.”
“The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
