(549 quotes found)
“Nazis are for the New Age concern”
Bill Hicks
“Comedy is tragedy plus time.”
Carol Burnett
“All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.”
Charlie Chaplin
“My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.”
Mitch Hedberg
“I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'”
“Comedy is the last refuge of the nonconformist mind”
Gilbert Seldes
“It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.”
“NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has shown that half of American high schools agree that newspapers should only be able to publish government-approved material. Almost one out of five said people should not be allowed to voice unpopular opinions..This is the first generation after September 11th, who discovered news during a 'watch what you say' administration...George W. Bush once asked, 'is our children learning.' No, they isn't. A better question would be, 'is our teacher's teaching?'”
Bill Maher
“You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well...we looked at the receipts."”
“Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.”
Sholom Aleichem
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