(4007 quotes found)
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
Miss Piggy
“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
Lucille Ball
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
Stephen Wright
“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”
Elayne Boosler
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework”
Bill Cosby
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
“Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
Janeane Garofalo
“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas”
Paula Poundstone
“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”
Oscar Wilde
