(4000 quotes found)
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
Frank Sinatra
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
Lynda Montgomery
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
Woody Allen
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
Matt Groening
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces”
Judith Viorst
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
Tommy Cooper
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
Mitch Ratcliffe
“Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Ani Difranco
