(2562 quotes found)
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
Emo Philips
“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”
Stephen Wright
“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”
Winston Churchill
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
Robert McCloskey
“I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
Woody Allen
“If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.”
Billy Wilder
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
Albert Einstein
“Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year”
Victor Borge
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
Bob Hope
“Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same person.”
François de la Rochefoucauld
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