(2116 quotes found)
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
Bob Hope
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones
“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.”
A. A. Milne
“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”
Stephen Wright
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
Woody Allen
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
Agatha Christie
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck
“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself”
Mark Twain
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
“I speak two languages, Body and English.”
Mae West
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