(2116 quotes found)
“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”
Elayne Boosler
“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'”
Tommy Cooper
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
Albert Einstein
“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
Oscar Wilde
“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”
John Lennon
“Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
Tre Cool
“Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"”
Annie Dillard
“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
Dr. Laurence J. Peter
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