(4007 quotes found)
“Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Ani Difranco
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
Mitch Ratcliffe
“If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”
George Gobal
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”
Woody Allen
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
Tommy Cooper
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
Drew Carey
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey
“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"”
Winnie the Pooh
“I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.”
Oscar Wilde
