(15264 quotes found)
“Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.”
Dave Barry
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?”
Chris Rock
“Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said," I think that I'll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?”
Calvin & Hobbes
“Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.”
“What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?”
Woody Allen
“I want to be remembered as the guy who gave his all whenever he was on the field.”
Walter Payton
“We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys”
William Arthur Ward
“Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)”
Jack Handy
“Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.”
“If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.”
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