(53 quotes found)
“Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.”
Jack Handy
“You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.”
“When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.”
“It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.”
“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting”
“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."”
“If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.”
“There may also be some showers and thunderstorms through Sunday. Keep the winter gear handy.”
Rick Canepa
“Stanley's a handy guy to have around and he's very enthusiastic in every position he plays. It's nice to see someone who plays with a smile on his face because it's infectious. I think he's 32 but he's improving all the time. He complements all the other attributes in the team.”
Steve McNamara
“[Vaughn] cried the whole time. [Handy] cried a little bit, but showed no emotion on his face. I asked if they could tell me what happened and Mr. Handy wouldn't answer any of my questions. He just stared at me.”
Cory Mills
