(53 quotes found)
“Everyone always says that we're too showy. We think that's hilarious. I mean, you come to a show to see a show, yet we're too showy...hypocrisy my friends.”
Jeff Scott
“Some people should come with a *brains not included* sticker”
Laurel Clive
“Acknowledge that you learn just as much, if not more, from your failures as you do from your successes.”
Jeffrey Benjamin
“I actually think it's hilarious. It's really to the point.”
George Drake
“I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.”
Oscar Wilde
“She's very smart. She is pretty sharp. She's really concerned about people. She has a hilarious sense of humor.”
Christina McMaster
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones
“I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die. And they said, you can have this product for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like to see a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which one it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch: the mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamps will be in the wrong denomination...Good luck f*cker! The last payment must be made in wompum!”
Mitch Hedberg
“There are so many things to learn and it's not just a source of amusement, but it is sometimes hilarious. Not too long ago they brought in this woman who was about 70 and she was naked as a jaybird out directing traffic on I-65.”
Bill Robinson
“I think it's hilarious how women complain about the idiots they've dated, but never change their standards.”
Dedrick D. L. Pitter
