(676 quotes found)
“'I was going to start off tonight by telling some self-deprecating jokes, but then I couldn't think of any mistakes I've made to be self-deprecating about.' –President Bush, at the White House Correspondents' dinner, poking fun at his performance in a recent news conference, in which he drew a blank when asked about mistakes he had made”
George W. Bush
“An Egg to day is better than a Hen to-morrow”
Benjamin Franklin
“Most jokes state a bitter truth”
Larry Gelbart
“I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"”
Rod Schmidt
“God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage”
Mark Twain
“Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"”
Annie Dillard
“What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke?”
Gore Vidal
“Even the gods love jokes”
Plato
“A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.”
T.S. Eliot
“I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences. But our innocence goes awfully deep, and our discreditable secret is that we don't know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don't care that we don't.”
Dylan Thomas
