(17855 quotes found)
“Parents have to understand: if your kid isn't you, don't blame the kid.”
Chastity Bono
“I bet when neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, 'Don't forget the thick, heavy brows.' Then they would get all embarrassed because they remembered they had the big husky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.”
Jack Handy
“Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you”
Gilda Radner
“Nobody's cool, if you've got kids.”
Neil Gaiman
“Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.”
Dan Castellaneta
“Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.”
Bill Cosby
“A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.”
Bill Maher
“I always tell my kids if you lay down, people will step over you. But if you keep scrambling, if you keep going, someone will always, always give you a hand. Always. But you gotta keep dancing, you gotta keep your feet moving.”
Morgan Freeman
“Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.”
“Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.”
Tommy Cooper
