(289 quotes found)
“I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.”
Marie Corelli
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.”
Josh Billings
“Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!”
Anne Tyler
“maybe humans are just the pet alligators that Gd flushed down the toilet”
Chuck Palahniuk
“You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets”
Nora Ephron
“I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.”
Jack Handy
“So live that you would not mind selling your pet parrot to the town gossip”
Will Rogers
“I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars."”
Stephen Wright
“Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.”
Paris Hilton
“I don't have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation”
Whoopi Goldberg
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