(5303 quotes found)
“You should never try and teach a pig to read for two reasons. First, it's impossible; and secondly, it annoys the hell out of the pig!”
Will Rogers
“If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ in color for a full hour, there would be a considerable number of stations which would decline to carry it on the grounds that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.”
Edward R. Murrow
“At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.”
Emo Philips
“When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.”
Woody Allen
“The first rule is not to lose. The second rule is not to forget the first rule.”
Warren Buffett
“I don't have to say 'Rap it up' every two seconds, or 'Don't do drugs' every two seconds. They know they're not supposed to use drugs, and they know they're supposed to put a condom on.”
Curtis Jackson
“The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.”
Lenny Bruce
“If the mortality rate seems high we must realize that Nature is a ruthless teacher. There are no second chances in Mother Nature's Survival Course.”
William S. Burroughs
“It gets you nowhere if the other person's tail is only just in sight for the second half of the conversation.”
Winnie the Pooh
“Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second.”
Bobby Unser
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