Henry "Henny" Youngman was a British-born American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners," short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. His best known one-liner was "Take my wife—please".
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(55 quotes found)
“If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.”
“Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"”
“Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.”
“The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.”
“I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.”
“How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'”
“Ştii ce înseamnă să vii acasă seara la o femeie care să îţi ofere dragoste, afecţiune şi un pic de tandreţe? Înseamnă că ai greşit casa.”
“A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"”
“Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner...."”
“A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single…."”
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