Henry "Henny" Youngman was a British-born American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners," short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. His best known one-liner was "Take my wife—please".
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(23 quotes found)
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”
“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”
“You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.”
“I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock”
“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
“If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.”
“I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.”
“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back”
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