Henry "Henny" Youngman was a British-born American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners," short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. His best known one-liner was "Take my wife—please".
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(23 quotes found)
“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.”
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
“My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.”
“What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.”
“While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.”
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
“A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.”
“Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport”
“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?”
“I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.”
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