(43 quotes found)
“I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section. When someone asks me where is the Bath section I say 'It's Beyond Me'.”
“I was born nine months premature.”
“They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.”
“A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.”
“Do you know it was a year a ago today?”
“I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed? She said one pig in the blanket was enough.”
“I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.”
“I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.”
“I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.”
“I saw a stationery store move.”
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