(43 quotes found)
“A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked."”
“People read me but they don't subscribe.”
“I dated a partially nude model, and she did a half-assed job.”
“Virgo, and a real Virgo. Nit picky, cranky, cantankerous, fidgety, neurotic. All of the above, but that's good.”
“My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.”
“My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.”
“My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.”
“I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?”
“I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.”
“After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.”
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