Rita Rudner is an American comedienne and writer.
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(43 quotes found)
“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”
“My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.”
“Men hate to lose. I beat my husband once at tennis. I asked him, "Will we ever make love again?" He said, "Yes.... but not with each other."”
“When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
“It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was”
“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.”
“I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.”
“I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them”
“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.”
“Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?”
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