Rodney Dangerfield , born Jacob Cohen, was an American comedian and actor, best known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect" and his monologues on that theme.
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(60 quotes found)
“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”
“This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.”
“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”
“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”
“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
“My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
“If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.”
“I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
“My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.”
“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.”
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