“If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go”
“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places”
“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”
“It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake”
“The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.”
“I was sorry to have my name mentioned among the great authors because they have a sad habit of dying off”
“May you get to heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead”
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