“If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go”
“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places”
“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”
“It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake”
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
“I was sorry to have my name mentioned among the great authors because they have a sad habit of dying off”
“The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.”
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