“If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go”
“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places”
“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”
“It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake”
“Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed”
“What a man misses mostly in heaven is company”
“The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.”
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