“The more I get to know about lawyers, the more I'm in favor of hangin'.”
“The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's”
“Satire lies about literary men while they live and eulogy lies about them when they die.”
“Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.”
“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.”
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
“People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.”
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