“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.”
“If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.”
“how is it that "no" is shorter than "yes" and "maybe" and yet people still find it hard to say no? they would rather lie or stall when what they really want to say is a simple NO”
“If I had a penny for every time someone logged into Facebook, i'd be rich right now”
“I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for ME.”
“I think that they should call a cheese grater by its real name...a sponge ruiner.”
“What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street... It's a way to open shit...”
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