“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”
“I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure”
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
“It's like obituaries, when you die they finally give you good reviews.”
“When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.”
“I didn't want to be knocked over by a car and have my obituary talk only about Prime Suspect.”
“I'll be the one with the steering wheel through my chest. You can write the obituary.”
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