“In heaven all the interesting people are missing”
“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places”
“Have you noticed there are no interesting people in heaven? -- Just a hint to the girls as to where they can find their salvation.”
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
“People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.”
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
“Satire lies about literary men while they live and eulogy lies about them when they die.”
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